More Fictional Characters

There's nothing in the world that people love more than fictional characters.  They make you laugh.  They make you cry.  They can even, while dealing with fantasy land level gooberisms, make one re-evaluate one's self. 

I've enjoyed several in my lifetime.  Characters from cartoons and movies that hung on my wall as a kid, and some that even instilled values.  I mean, who couldn't remember respecting the way Inigo Montoya persevered and pursued for the love of his murdered father in "A Princess Bride".  Who didn't praise Goose for keeping Maverick focused when he was blowing his shot at spiking a blond, errr... I mean opportunity of a lifetime in "Top Gun".  In "Cedar Rapids", a naive young sales person goes to a new world and learns that things might not quite be as advertised and grows up before your eyes.  Even a 40 year old virgin can find love.  Fictional characters.

However, there are other types of fictional characters that people just come to loathe.  People like the bad guys in superhero movies.  Even the sometimes lovable Dr. Evil in "Austin Powers" can't seem to just get on the ball and kill the hero.  No, it's always some long drawn out plan that never seems to work in the end.  So, you end up annoyed at someone that really isn't worth more than a collective, "damn" and a laugh.

Danny Sheridan is becoming such a character.  While Danny may be very real, his stories of bagmen and contacts with NCAA level folks has more twists and turns than an M. Night Shayamalan movie.

A few weeks back, Danny Sheridan decided to speak up and capitalize on a few day old story that Gene Chizik had an exchange with an NCAA official at the summer meetings a few weeks before.  It eventually came out that the exchange was much less combative than most would like you to believe, but under the current scrutiny Auburn finds itself in, it had enough legs to at least Dodo bird itself across the beach for a few days before going extinct again.

Appearing on Finebaum during SEC Media Days, Sheridan proclaimed that the investigation into Cam Newton had really "revved" up after Chizik's comments.  Really?  Well, being that NCAA investigations are generally very slow to develop, devoid of any rhyme, reason and generally are extremely tight lipped, how did Danny know?  Well, Danny couldn't wait to talk about his friendship and connections with people inside the NCAA.  Hell, he'd been good buddies for 30 plus years!  There's no way people should doubt him!  The Bama fringe goes crazy for days.  Not only was Danny saying that the investigation had ramped up, but in fact they knew of a "bagman".  They were simply working on this poor soul to see if he was going to come forward.  Without him, the NCAA's case was pretty much closed.  Danny gave a 50/50 chance that NCAA would find any fault against Cam Newton.  It was up in the air.  Just ignore the fact, that if the NCAA already knew/ knows of a bagman, there is NO NEED for this witness to come forward.  It's over and the gig is up.

Fast forward a week.... 

Paul Finebaum, while wading through the tired same smattering of sadness that is his calling base gets a call about halfway through the third of four hours.  "Hey Pawwwwl!  Did you hear Danny Sheridan today on that Atlanta station?"  "Yeah, he said that now there's a witness in the Cam Newton case!  Did you hear that, Pawwwwwl?  A witness!"   Shocked, Paul calls and hunts down Sheridan and WHAMMO... 

Paul fifteen minutes later, "Danny Sheridan in the fourth hour to discuss a possible new development in the Cam Newton case!"

Let me describe the ultimate fail that happened next...

A summary... if you will...

Paul: Hello Danny.  I hear you might have some news on the Cam Newton investigation.  What's up?

Danny: (Fail starts immediately) Well, no.  It's basically what I told you last week, Paul.  I've decided to call the "bagman" a "witness". 

Paul:  Silence......

Danny: Yes, a witness. 

***NOTE: After Danny's appearance on F'baum the prior week at SEC Media Days, the media collective on Danny Sheridan was not positive.  His story was not viewed as credible and writers such as Dennis Dodd and other national folks paid more attention to his pink shirt.  It hurt Danny's feelings...

Danny continues:  You see Paul, all those so called writers that think I don't know what I'm talking about don't know what they're saying.  They'll learn.  Do you doubt me, Paul?

Paul:  Silence...   Umm...

Danny:  I'll tell you what Paul, I know what I'm talking about and I've got to say that people talking about me like they know me are making them all look foolish.  They call me an oddsmaker and would rather focus on why I'm talking with people at the NCAA, Paul!!!  Why?  I'm NOT an oddsmaker, Paul.  That's not what I do.  Besides, my friend is a friend of a friend with the NCAA.  I don't talk with anyone at the NCAA.  It's my friend.  You KNOW that Paul.  Right?

Paul:  Umm...  Uhh....

Danny: Look, I'll put a seven figure bet on it Paul.  You doubt me if you want.  Give me two weeks.  Give me two weeks and I'll have you a name Paul.  The NCAA has a witness.  A name, and I'll give it to you in a week or two.  You just wait.

Paul: Okay, Sounds very interesting Danny.  I know you probably will.

END OF CALL.....

Paul then goes on and on about how he's been right before and then decides to open it back up for the last fifteen minutes of phone calls to fill in a then predictable hodgepodge of "hammer's comin'" talk from the mouthbreather collective that hoard to his show in hopes that the Auburn "situation" of 2010 didn't actually occur.

What Danny Sheridan needs to understand is that he opened this can of worms himself.  He's now put himself in a place where it's impossible not to deliver.  He sounded desperate then.  He sounds desperate now.

Earlier today, @DannySheridan1 (Danny's Twitter handle) posted that he had been given a name that "allegedly" the NCAA "feels" paid Cecil Newton. 

The Bama fringe went crazy.  Is anyone surprised?  I'm not.

What does Danny accomplish by doing this?  An "alleged" name that they "feel" mighta woulda coulda shoulda?  Didn't we learn this lesson already about tapes, wiretaps and people like Scott Moore who's been relegated to the confides of places like "As the Plains Burn"?  

This week is sure to be pivotal one way or the other.  Probably more for a large number of Bama fans that are either going to start realizing that Danny Sheridan could deliver a banana split to Paul with more meaning than the name he brings, or they'll continue to hang in the balance perpetually until until the only hammer they see is the one we all see at the end of our own times.

So... In the words of one of my favorite fictional characters, Judge Smails, "Welllll.  We're waiting...."